all nearness pauses

Nightmares. Because at night, everything I fear is actually happening. There is a lot of pain in my dreams. A lot of emptiness. Sometimes real things happen. Like war or death or torture or drowning. But other times, my nightmares are just feelings. I can’t describe it really, all I can say is that is feels like falling. At night, I don’t just feel fear, but I see and hear and sense it; fear completely takes control over me. And I wake up, often crying in my pillow, feeling like emptiness and sadness actually live inside of me. That feeling is my greatest fear.